Baseball, Bratwurst And A Book Update

Oh Baseball, you’ve been good to me. However, I am sad to confirm that it’s time to sever all ties… until next year.

Yes, that’s right. With the footballing monster constantly strutting his stuff around my television, my semi-precious spare time is now consumed by studying the hang times of punters, the precision of long snappers and more importantly, pretending that I’m not personally offended by the Cleveland Browns’ decision to overlook Jonathan Paul Manziel.

With this in mind, I feel it’s appropriate to thank baseball for filling a sporting hole. Accompanied by this summer’s wonderful World Cup in Brazil, it has served as the perfect foil to consume the harrowing football-free months.

I have often wondered what American sport I would have excelled in, had I grown up on the lefthand side of the Atlantic Ocean. Basketball because I’m a “big fella”? Football because I’m quite good at the world renowned activity formally known as “catch”? Hot dog eating contests because I like hot dogs?

None of the above. I firmly believe that if I had ever taken a breezy stroll down the prestigious path of baseball, I would have at least made a name for myself as a Little League sensation.

What am I basing such an outrageous assumption on? Well, not much really. Just a hunch that originates from being a slightly above average cricket player.

Both sports draw comparisons. When you’ve got a wooden bat in your hand, and you’re attempting to hit an apple-sized ball as hard and as far as you can, it’s only natural that organic links are going to be formed.

Cricket is a quintessential part of British culture. Explaining it to the Texan population proved extremely difficult when I was in College Station. People’s faces immediately dropped when I told them that games can last five days and end in a tie.

“You must get so bored!”

On paper, you’d think so. However, cricket isn’t just about watching a full grown man throw a ball as fast as he physically can at another man stood twenty-two yards away. Oh no, it’s about booze, fancy dress and eating sausages from Germany.

True story. The last time I went to a cricket match, I was sat next to a group of fifteen humans. Fourteen of them were dressed as chefs. One was dressed as a lobster. They spent the whole day chasing the lobster around the stadium. That’s what happens at cricket. It’s a social sport that you spend 90% of the day drinking and having a laugh. The other 10% you’re taking a slight interest into what’s actually happening on the field.

In conclusion, thanks baseball but no tha… wait? What? My beloved Pittsburgh Pirates have officially made the offseason? Well, pull up a stool MLB, I can always find room for you… until the inevitable happens and the Pirates are painfully eliminated.

Marooned in Aggieland is out now! Book Availability:

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