The Maroon Elephant In The Room

Thursday mornings aren’t usually the greatest. With a defined feeling of ‘why can’t it just be Friday already?’ lingering in the cold morning air, I usually sleepily meander to work in nothing more than a robotic state.

Today? A seismic shift had entered the equation. I woke up, showered and changed – all to the bellowing and warm sounds of the Aggie War Hymn.

As I briskly strode to my local train station, I proudly hummed “Hullabaloo, Caneck! Caneck!” to myself on repeat for at least four or five minutes.

Why the dramatic upturn in my mood? Well, I believe it had something to do with the realization that after many months of struggling without my favorite pastime – it is finally back. I’m reinvigorated and bloody pumped for another roller coaster ride of Aggie football.

Other people on the station platform clearly didn’t feel as fresh. Their tired and wearied faces struggled to process a maroon beacon bustling its way through busy hordes of commuters, with a newspaper in one hand – and a sausage baguette in the other.

Yes, that’s right. I was decked out like I’d just been dropkicked through the front doors of an Aggieland Outfitters.

To put it mildly, nothing like ‘wear your jersey to work day’ exists in England – but with enthusiasm and a will to see my Aggies win running through my veins, I staunchly believed that my boss wouldn’t batter an eyelid at my chosen attire.

Unfortunately, I had gravely misjudged the situation. On my casual entrance into the office building, my presence immediately caused an icy and fractious atmosphere. With everyone else draped in finely tailored suits and frocks, the large ‘12s’ that were plastered across my belly and back, etched themselves into the retinas and corneas of my work peers. I was the maroon elephant in the room.

When I eventually slumped into the confines of my desk, I let out a large sigh. Oh well. If anything, I had set a precedent. Over the next six months, I can safely predict that my productivity will heavily deteriorate. This is down to one factor. My sleeping pattern. Quite frankly, it will be all over the place. In no uncertain terms, I shall evolve into an inglorious night owl that will fearlessly gain ‘the odd hour or two’ of peaceful sleep anywhere I can – this mercifully includes my workspace.

During my conscious hours, I will be doing one thing and one thing only. Consuming football. And yes – it most definitely is worth getting fired for.

Marooned in Aggieland is out now! Book Availability:

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