Oi Johnny! You call that a Pro Day?
The dust has finally settled on the glitz, glam and pizzazz of Jonathan Paul Manziel’s much anticipated NFL Pro Day.
As Johnny Football avoided broomsticks hitting him in the face and general groin region, it quickly reminded me of a standard Friday night in my local watering hole.
The whole episode got me thinking. What would I do on my Pro Day? How would I portray myself?
Well, I can safely say there would be no Drake compilation album being played in the background – or former presidents turning up to see me throwing balls to some tall chappies. Likewise, I can predict with near certainty, that Nike wouldn’t be selling my clobber for $180 a pop.
Instead, the best I could probably hope for is a dusty Proclaimers vinyl and a visit from someone that I bumped into last week. Who was this encapsulating fellow? We crossed paths as I innocently made my way to work on a cold, murky and uninspiring morning.
‘Ere, you. Yeah, you, big fella. Got a pound for the train?’, he politely enquired.
With headphones hugging my eardrums, I was firmly hoping this would be enough to suggest that I wasn’t in the mood to engage in conversation so early in the morning, especially with someone that was demanding cash, whilst holding a can of surprisingly upmarket lager.
Despite this, he wasn’t in the mood to give up easily.
Before I knew it, he had followed me into a nearby shop that I regularly visit to check out the day’s newspaper front pages.
‘Come on mate, cough up. It’s only a quid. I need to go and visit my bird.’
I paused. Was he going to follow me into my place of work? I could barely wait to introduce him to all of my co-workers.
It was time to break the ice.
‘Drinking already?’ I said.
‘Yeah! And what!? It’s Friday, f*ck it!’
It was actually Wednesday.
But who was I to break this news to him? I didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news and deliver the crushing news that it was actually hump day.
So, where am I going with this? Well, if I’d given him the pound that he oh so desired, I could say with 99% certainty that he’d show up at my Pro Day.
Johnny – you may have had the Bushes, Governors, NFL Royalty and the big dog himself, Coach Sumlin, turn up at your Pro Day, however, can you look at yourself in the mirror and say that you had the local town drunk in attendance? I don’t think you can.
PS. I did give the bloke a pound in the end. I didn’t want to be stabbed.
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